I went out to view my brothers hardcore band last Sunday night. I was drinking Blatz at the Wisco (the name of the bar he was playing at). Anyone who has ever drank Blatz will know, some beers should be illegal to sell at a bar, or anywhere for that matter. The Blatz got me Blitzed. I was a pile. I can only recall shattered fragments of the nights events. It's never good to wake up feeling so scattered and lost, yet I do it time after worthless time, one would think I would learn. The worst part about it is that I'm still unemployed and here I am running around getting tanked up like there's no tomorrow. So now I've slipped back into a bout of depression. Drinking is definitely my cross to bear. I can't even go out and be sociable without indulging, it wasn't all suppose to be like this.
I filled out a single application today. Woo-hoo!!! At this rate I'll be homeless before I find a job, although the thought of living on the streets doesn't scare me, at least not now while the weather's nice. Once winter comes it will be a different story, but by then I'll have started school and will have finiancal aid to get by on. I keep thinking to myself that if I can only make it until school starts I'll be OK, but that is still two months away, I have to find something in the mean time or I'll go crazy (or at least crazier). I was going to go out today, but as soon as I stepped outside, and felt the sweltering summer heat, I turned back around like the coward I am. My poor brother is working all day in this stuff and I can't even go out to fill a couple of applications. I suck at life.
Today's my brother Rory's birthday, 29 years old. Man, it seems like just yesterday that he was graduating high school and now he's almost 30. Time has gone by so fast and all I can think is that I'm so much closer to death, which might not be a bad thing. Right now, if any of the religious views are correct, I hope it's reincarnation, and I hope I get reincarnated something really cool, like an astronaut or a wizard. Being incarnated into a palsied freak show sucks. I feel like a clown more than I man. Like the only possible reason I have been put here is as a laugh. So yuk it up world while ya can cause I ain't gonna be here forever.